Mediocre but pretty
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Mediocre but pretty
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."
by raghu at 10/27/2006
An old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is a man selling tickets for plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per head. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know that we can't spend money like that, and $10 is always $10 to us." So Stumpy goes without any joyousness. They return to the place every year, and the same thing happens, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just want to have a ride in that airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy slumps down.
The pilot who stands near by overhears the conversation.
The pilot steps in, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help hearing your pathetic situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without uttering a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give it for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. Yet there's no sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to you. You didn't make even the slightest sound even to my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
by raghu at 10/26/2006
Golden Rules In College: 1) Never make noise in class respect the fact that others are sleeping. 2) Keep the college clean so stay away. 3) Take some fruits for the animals in the staff room. 4) Always take books beacause you don't get a pillow to help yourself sleep well. 5) Never be early to class or else no one will notice you.
contributed by Siddhu
A HUSBAND's STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where
a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit
the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh mercy me" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she
goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you
exit the building, and have a nice day!
Contributor : Abhijeeth Reddy
A Job Interview!
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does 'two plus two' equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - you give or take ten percent, its four on an average."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits close beside the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal ? !! "
by raghu at 10/17/2006
Health Is Wealth
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money, watch your health." So one day, while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
Why Do Boys Go To Temple?
Ans: ...because, a temple is the only place where you can find
Trupti and then Mukti
Mr.Intelligent was travelling in a local train.
TC: Ticket please..
Mr.Intelligent shows two tickets.
TC: One ticket for you and another one for...?
Mr.Intelligent: ...both are for me.
TC: Why did you purchase two tickets?
Mr.Intelligent: If i lost one, i will have the other.
TC: What If both the tickets are lost?
Mr.Intelligent: I am not a fool, I keep a pass with me!
What did the doctor say?
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife to his office.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will die. "Each morning, give him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch, provide him a nutritious meal. For dinner, prepare a special meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him.? "If you can do this for the next 10 months, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
by raghu at 10/01/2006