29.11.06

Painter's Dog

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Mirthful

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Benjamin Franklin Speaks

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."

Nirvana

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against
the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to Raghu and said, "Do you want to go to
heaven?"

Raghu said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you
die you don't want to go to heaven?!"

Raghu said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now!"

27.11.06

26.11.06

Realm of Muddiness

Q: What did Delaware when Mississippi lent Missouri her New Jersey?
A: I don’t know, Alaska.

Internet Hazards 2

25.11.06

Fully Loaded

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. But, he still manages to ask the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes,I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asked the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Soccer - World Champs



A new thrilling way of watching the movie "Jaws"




23.11.06

Short and Crisp

Titanic

When TITANIC was sinking, a man asked Sardarji, as to how far was LAND...?
Sardar : 2kms....
The man jumped into the sea & asked, " Which way?"
Sardar : DOWNWARDS. . . !!

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A friend to sardar,

Friend : I tried your number so many times, but it said, 'Switched off'
Sardar : No.. Its my dialer tone!

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Bajji

Sardar 1 : Is HARBHAJAN Singh male or female ?
Sardar 2 : Female.
Sardar 1 : How ?
Sardar 2 : Just now a commentator said, "A wonderful delivery by HARBHAJAN
!

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bikari : 50 paise de de ,maine 3 din se khana nahi khaya baba

marvadi : 50 paise nahi 5 rupaye dunga,pehle yeh bata 50 paise mein khana kaha milta hai..."?

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Taunts

I've been arrested for being the ugliest person in Britain, can you come down the police station and show them it's a mistake?

Hi i am dying to see u,
i want to talk to you seriously,
but I can't get to you,
This stupid gatekeeper is asking me for a ticket to enter the zoo!

Hey can u do me a favour?
take a pic of yourself and send it to me.
i'm playin cards and i'm missin the joker!!

Rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers are few of them. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

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Sometimes in life you get messages which you don't understand as to why they were sent or why the hell are you reading them. This is just one of them !

Marriage Today

Just married : Oh my God, You look like an angel in that dress.

After 3 months : Oh my God, you bought a new dress again?

After 3 years : How much did that cost??

Medical Prescription

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"
Then the lady pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription"

17.11.06

8.11.06

The Nearest Future

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

LOST?

Please follow the prescription

Harry : My brother was sick. He went to the doctor.
Rou : Is he feeling better now?
Harry : No. Actually his arm is broken.
Rou : How?
Harry : Doctor asked to follow the prescription. He did follow the prescription, but fell out of the window!

Before i kick the bucket

A young bride : Dear, what do i cook for dinner everyday?
Young Hubby : My life insurance!

Customs In-Situ

In a party..

Manager - Do you allow your boys to smoke?
Employee - No, sir.
Manager - Do they drink?
Employee - Noway.
Manager - What about dates?
Employee - Oh! It's quite ok. But i won't spare them if they eat too many.

East and West

7.11.06

Goosey

A Priest and three nuns were out playing golf. Since the priest was the better golfer, he went first. The priest stepped up to the tee and hit the ball, which landed right in the sand trap. The priest slammed his club down and yelled, "Goddamn it, I missed!" The nuns were shocked and said, "Father you mustn't say that, you'll incur the wrath of God!" The priest went over and hit the ball, which landed five feet away in the sand trap, the priest said, "Goddamn it I missed again!" Again the nuns warned him, "Father, you mustn't say that, you'll make Godangry." The priest whacked the ball again, this time it flew straight up in the air and landed at his feet. The priest stomped his feet and yelled, "Goddamn it! I missed again!!" Just as the nuns were about to warn him again, a bolt of lightening came down from the sky and killed one of the nuns.. From above a thundering voice said, "GODDAMN IT!! I MISSED AGAIN!!!"

Integrity and Wisdom

Boss, to an employee :

Integrity and wisdom are essential to success in every business. By integrity, i mean that when you promise a customer something, you must keep that promise, even if you loose money

"And what is wisdom?", asked the employee.
The boss says, "Don't you ever make such foolish promises!"

3.11.06

Perfect

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone in the room start listening.

MAN: “Hello.”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing …..the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape…..

Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?”

Vaniasel

1.11.06

Sms Spicery

If you don't have a Girl /Boy Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

Hee-haw

Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE!!

Boozers And Capers' Stop

One good way to reduce alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

Nair